It’s been tremendously hard to write here. All of the guilt and pain and anxiety of what happened with Spiritkid and its ripple effect on my relationship with Corgi and other people is kind of crippling. The Telephone party is tonight and it’s hard to look forward to it. Corgi went to a party with me the other day and I connected with and kissed someone in the other room. She saw me go off and knew I was going to kiss that girl. It really disturbed her and we didn’t get to a good place last night. My birthday party is coming up and just everything is a source of dread. We have 8 days to complete a major project at work and it’s horrible to face. I feel so out of control with everything and so groundless after the (pretty much) end of the telephone work. I thought I would feel good now but I just feel horrible. I don’t know if I should just end my relationship with Corgi or not. It feels like some kind of last chance at sanity but it also feels like this constant source of pain and stress.