Don’t feel depressed per se but just weak and not very effective today. I feel cut off from Corgi and my arm kinda hurts for no reason. I have so much to handle and just don’t feel like I have the strength. I feel like I’m getting further and further behind.

Really wonderful morning in DC. Sweet sex and lovely brunch and sun and rosé. A little sad that Corgi has been hurting but just felt so content and rested and happy it was hard to be too sad.   The trip home was brutal though. Spiritkid wasn’t hurrying cause she got home at 9 and I still had the car to return and a long train ride. New York night driving in an unissued car was fucked up and really harshed my mellow bad. Made it to Eugene and co for last food call and was restored.

So tired and doubly hung over but Spiritkid is a wonderful traveling companion and our hotel room is lovely. Nice sex and chilling out. Father John Misty tonight squeeeeeeee.

I feel emotionally good but worn out from drinking too much last night.  Stressful email about showing up on time from work made me feel weird. Had a nice drive with Spiritkid. Ate and drank again to excess with Grimm.

A little grumpy/tired and not sure why. Everything is ok. Maybe just still grumpy about needing to delay my product launches to do the API but I’m mostly adjusted. Looking forward to seeing Grimm but also just a little sad to leave my corgi for a whole weekend.

Feel pretty good. Had to really switch gears at work yesterday when bossman said that we had to rebuild a whole portion of our application a different way when we were very close to launch. Sucks to be so close to launch and have to stop and start something from scratch. Excited but apprehensive about the upcoming weekend with Spiritkid and all the details of car rental and such. Sis is coming over for dinner tonight and making her special pasta with meatballs from Saraghina.

We went out for a $350 lunch at work, and did good in the burnup meeting with the CTO. Many months of work are finally coming together. Post-Vegas Corgi is realizing how important it is to stay in a good place even through tough communication and it’s working out a lot better between us. Stressed about Telephone Game but I know I’m going to get it handled and it’s going to be great.

Puppycatmonkeyotter’s party was really touching and I DJd pretty well.  We went and saw Björk in brookyn today. I knew we had tickets but I didn’t know it was actually today until I woke up. What an amazing experience.

Big birthday party tonight for Puppycatmonkeyotter and I’m DJing and toastmastering and stuff.  Always stressful to come up with good, unique DJ lists in a short time.  D is asleep in my bed and I’m getting started on Telephone game stuff.  So excited that the New York Times is going to do a feature on it.  Also excited somewhat for a sexy evening tonight.  I miss sex parties a little and this should be cool.  A little sad to exclude Corgi but shit, we’re not quite ready for that.  She’s going out on a date with Kissboy, who I think is a nice choice.

Finally getting a head of steam at work just as the week ended.  Still excited about the work I’m doing there.  Corgi and I went out and saw this cool dance thing she bought tickets to where a lady did a solo dance inside a mesh box with cool stuff projected onto it.  Then we went for a beer and finally talked through the Vegas weekend.  It was painful but I think necessary and we got it done.  Now I think things are in a better place and we can move on from there.

Finally beginning to feel rested.  Not quite unpacked yet but I think that Corgi and I have calmed down a bit.  She’s feeling really bad about acting so shitty in Vegas and is currently pretty contrite but I still feel worried for the future even though I really love the little fucker.  Hosted my sister last night and we watched Nightwatch.  She said the weed tincture last time put her into rough feelings for like a week so she’s recommitting to sobriety.  Starting to gel at work a little.  Kind of weird that we got bought by Sony Music but hey life moves on.

We missed our plane yesterday because I left my backpack in the rental car and that actually brought us together somewhat.  We got on a plane via standby and got home late.  Finally had sex and it was good but there was a discussion about why no sex all weekend.  We have to talk about how to prevent such emotional turmoil before we could travel again.  So much went down while I was gone I feel so overwhelmed trying to face it all and probably a bit of a hangover from taking Percocet every night to avoid an endless miserable grumpiness between us.  So not a good sign.

Our last night was rough.  We went to Jubilee (a vegas show w boobs) and did a little of the mushrooms out of almost a grim determination to have fun. We ended up sleeping in different beds and woke up feeling so rough.

Brunch at the Wynn and we moved rooms. Drinking and not enough rest and maybe the perc caught up with us. We had sort of a weird experience over sexuality RIGHT before we had to get ready to have dinner with Grau and the wedding party. Made the rest of the night a bit rough.  We recovered and had fun in old Vegas.

We’re Vegasing along nice! So much drinking. I wish you could just get GHB! Or something else! So debaucherous. Worst hotel room but having fun with my lady.

Traveling with Corgi for the first time. She’s been cool and very practical today. I’m stressed and it always adds to it a little when you drug snuggling.  (sic). I don’t usually travel where there’s no people I know who are hosting me so that’s double intense. I pray we have fun.

Happy to be going on vacation but nervous about getting all the preparation right and about our minor drug smuggling.  Be happier when I’m on the plane chilling.  Onassis lying to Spiritkid and that whole thing still has me a little stressed.  Things are progressing at work and I feel good about that.  All in all ok, a little chemically low and edgy possibly still from drinking two nights ago?

Last night I took myself out to dinner after finishing the transmission edits.  I passed this new cigar shop booming B.I.G. and went in and smoked a cigar and drank whiskey and partied with the guys in there.  They were sweet to me, the only white boy, and I knew the lyrics to ONE biggie song.  Woke up kinda hungover and a bit low energy but damn it felt worth it.  However, found out last night that Spiritkid’s 19 year old girlfriend Onassis was SO eager to sell her body. She dates a couple, gets tipsy, lets the husband fuck her in a room without the wife without a condom, then comes home and has sex with Spiritkid without telling her. I can’t believe how angry I am at her, especially since I’ve done this kind of thing. Maybe it’s projection but I feel super stupid for trusting her.

Feeling the time pinch getting the last details ready to go to Las Vegas but mostly excited. Always get the inner impression I’m forgetting something vital. I guess I need a to-do list. Corgi has been helpful and sweet about it. Voluptuous was disappointed we couldn’t hang out before I left because she’ll be gone for a month. At work I’m really working hard to keep this search project on track. I care SO MUCH and really trying to herd cats and show the right amount of force without being a dick (story of my life).  I feel well-rested and energetic, moreso than usual.  Had a really healthy lunch.

Gonna try putting a 1-10 mood rating in the post title.  Yesterday went to the Museum of Natural History with Corgi.  She was upset about getting things wrong and cried a few times.  Still a very sweet day and we had delicious soba for dinner.  It was rough going but I still felt good about our relationship.  Today she’s working on her transcription and I’m doing edits for TransMission.  So glad to almost have it launched.

I want a way to very simply track my life and mood a little.  My intention is to write a simple, twitter-length entry every day just mentioning my overall mood, and anything notable that happened that day.  That way I’m able to track my mood and see how much of the time I’m feeling depression or anxiety, and also have a way to remember what happened in any given day so I don’t forget my whole life as my brain slowly turns into swiss cheese.